This year I've seen the lights on the mountains, the lights behind the mountains, and the shadows at the tops of the mountains when the air turned them blue. 

I always end up in the air watching roads snake through the trees. I saw the sun set and rise in a blazing red bead above Greenlandic ice sheets. I guess there's not a part of this world that isn't touched by human beings—the sky is so criss-crossed with contrails that our eyes must have passed over every inch at this point—

(Never Cry Wolf—what do we change by seeing?)

I had a sandbag in my chest for a month straight until the 28th day of November. I think all that weight may have crushed something inside of me—I was manic for a week with my loves in that computer lab, and my current level of disengagement seems uncharacteristic but I guess I got tired of worry. 

In 2015 my favorite hobby became compulsive writing and my second favorite hobby became reading articles on the Internet. Maybe I don't have enough patience to read books anymore but I've still found a way to contribute to my professional development and ways of being. 

Some people when they get older lose their spark and fire. Mine has been flaming higher for years and years but it hasn't overtaken me yet, at least not permanently. Maybe that flame inside me is getting tamed and controlled, I can send it through my fingertips rather than it raging through my body and consuming me. Those people at IDEO know I've got a fire in my blood and they said no to everyone else and yes to me. 

The skin behind my eyelids is red like all those days on the bus as a kid. Things like this happen to me all the time lately, memories of things that used to be such a part of my being but I’ve since forgotten flash across my brain. I think I can understand what happened to me now in Europe and Paris because I've had enough time to sit back and look so that I can see. 

The sky out there is blue and white, that's how it always seems to be.

Don't make me go by myself, Father. This is unbelievable to me.  

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